(Man, it’s been ages since I blogged…)

Edited Sunday August 23rd 2009: Please see Comment 4 for clarification on inquest findings & accidental death. (I can’t readily adjust the post this far on, but please be aware of Comment 4, from Charlie Stroud, before reading the post, & bear in mind my memory has played me false. Thanks.)

I woke up this morning.

I appreciate that’s not really the sort of incisive opening line that normally draws you in*, but I start with it regardless because I think, all things considered, it’s something of an achievement in itself, since, in spite of everything, up to & including me, I’m still here, ten years further down the line.

(and, yes, slightly coming to bits. Never used to be this weak, dunno what’s going on with that.)

But, hey, I’m still here.

Naomi, a Quaker from Telford Meeting once changed her surname to Stillhere as an affirmation; “I am still here, in spite of everything the world throws at me.” I quote that as it appeared on the order of service from her funeral; in the latter week of May 2000 she was finally overwhelmed and threw herself from a bridge in London.

I wished at the time that had the guts to do the same. As it was, however, I repeatedly chickened out of anything of the sort, and thus, by and by, I came to waking up this morning, which I do think is something of an acheivement since, if I’d had just a wee bit more backbone, I’d never have come close.

Congratulations, past JTA; you are indeed a useless gutless spinless shit, and I owe you one for it. I know it isn’t much help but cheers! nevertheless, and remember that if you’re stubborn enough life seems to get bored of shoveling shit in your face.

Time I got to bed; I’ve got a whole another lot of waking up to do tomorrow. G’night.

* The best opening line I ever read ran ‘If you were a pigeon, you could fuck forty times a day.’ I can’t for the life of me remember the rest of the book, but it started fantastically.

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  1. On October 29, 2007 Scatman Dan says:

    Great post. Don’t know if it’s just my outlook, but I found it to be really quite uplifting.

    Glad you’re still here. G’night.

  2. On October 29, 2007 Matt In The Hat says:

    Erm… woah.

    So much to say. So many wrong words. So confused.
    So what?

    I’m happy that you are happy, but sad that you were sad.

    Matt In The Hat

  3. On October 31, 2007 Mister JTA says:

    Awesome. The pair of you win “correctly interpreting the blog post” points, with MiTH getting a bonus point for the fab phrasing there.

    To the sundry other people who’ve apparently a) mis-read this as a really sad, depressing post, and then, b) not asked me if this is true in case that topples me over the edge [which is still seven years ago, btw], no, really, it is a happy post. I’m slightly confused that it might not seem that way, to be honest…


  4. On August 21, 2009 Charlie Stroud says:

    I was Naomi Stillher’s partner when she tragically died on May 25th 2000. She did not throw herself of a bridge as stated in the text above. She was sitting in the handrail when she overbalanced and struck her head on a brick pier 15 feet below killing her instantly. At her inquest in December 2000 the coroner stated that SHE DID NOT COMMIT SUICIDE!!
    Even after more than nine years I miss her greatly. Please read this and learn that Naomi’s death was an accident.

    Charlie Stroud 21st August 2009

  5. On August 23, 2009 Mister JTA says:

    Hi Charlie,

    In that case, I’m incredibly sorry – evidently I misremembered, and it sounds like that’s caused you some extra pain, which of course, wasn’t something I intended to do.

    I’ve put a note at the start of the entry to explain you’ve commented with a clarification, and asked people to take a look at your comment for more details about the coroner’s statement, etc.

    I hope that will help.