From ‘Cataloguing rules as party conversation’ to ‘Reports in relation to RPGs.’ All the fun that’s fit to Mark As Read, huh?

Eech. I should be working on a report, at this moment in time: essentially Your university is going to launch foundation degrees, how will this affect the library & the readers?. I hate that sort of stuff, because whilst I realise that we’re supposed to be demonstrating the use of the theory, I don’t feel comfortable making up backstory in order to have a platform on which to stand everything else. It’s a ‘pre 1992 university,’ apparently, and that’s about all the guidance we get.

That is not enough guidance, I feel: from there I can say anything from ‘but the library building was completely re-done with corporate sponsorship in 1998 and has seven floors, complete with Student Shop and Coffee Bar on the entry level, Floor 5’ to ‘the library is housed in the Old Building, is Grade I listed and has the unique feature of two floors, each with a periodical gallery, originally designated to house the Arts and the Natural Sciences. The central Loans Desk has been left as it was, though admin work now takes place at a new desk, installed opposite the exit. The University is currently discussing arrangements for external access to the second floor for disabled students, but it severly limited by the various prevervation orders in place.’

…The problem, basically, is that I want the briefing for this report to be Oblivion, and what I’ve got is Morrowind. Oblivion is a fantastic game, and I really do enjoy playing it. Morrowind may well be a good game, but I could never get into it, because it was too open ended.

At the start of Oblivion, you’re in clink, but you get let out by narrative imperative the Emperor, who happens to need the escape route in your cell, and who dies almost as soon as you’ve had chance to collect one of each base weapon class, learn how to sneak, pick a lock and work your way back to the plot. For reasons best known to himself, he gives you the Amulet of the Maguffin, the token of his Emperordom, and tells you to push off and find a monk who knows where his illegitemate-but-everyone-else-in-the-family-is-dead Son is. At which point, you can either do so, or wander off and do open-ended things. It’s a nice obvious quest hook, and you can catch it, or not, or catch it later as the mood takes you.

At the start of Morrowind, as far as I can recall, you get off a boat, wander through an administation building, and get told that there’s a guy who lives over in Villagetown and you should go and see him. Doing so results in his suggesting you work for him, possibly for some secret reason. Go and do a minor quest in Noobsville, quoth he, and then… uh… yeah, I dunno. There doesn’t seem to be a main quest there. Now bear in mind the first computer games I ever played were Hillsfar, Spellcasting 201 and Paperboy 2. I like obvious objectives in games. I’ve grown to enjoy the freedom of open-ended stuff, it’s amazing to be able to do something in some place and reap the consequences later – which is why Deus Ex was so mindblowing for me – but it’s nice to have a solid known objective you can fall back on, not only to get you started, but to give you something to aim for once wandering in the wilderness gets dull.

And having to make up my own character backstory in a piece of academic work kinda bugs me: what if I go with Option A, and say “based on the findings of the various studies we’ve done (qv), perhaps we can devote the fourth floor to books for Foundation Degrees, and create a seperate collection there,” and then go on to discuss advantages and limitations and things, and Juanita decides that she’s never heard anything so retarded in her life because what the Hell was I thinking imagining more than three floors anyway, why haven’t I talked about the crushing space constrictions affecting the library service?


Of course, I know what’s going to happen: I’m going to Exposit it to within an inch of it’s life; this report to the Vice Chancellor is going to be the library equivilant of Chapter One, the one that goes

“As you know, your father – the King – had no other children. I greatly fear that this attack by Mordok was intended to kill you too. For if you are not present at the Celebrations tomorrow you will be declared dead and Mordok will seize power!”

and to which the only possible answer is

“Faithful old Knight, the only person who apparently knows the secret way out of the Castle – although I’d like to point out that it’s also a secret way into the castle, and how did Mordok’s forces manage to get past the seventeen well-defended gates unoticed anyway? Fine, fine, we’ll leave that to page two-hundred and sixty-seven – but, Allegedly Faithful Old Knight Who Was Always Passed Over By My Father For The Stewardship, I know all that. What, you think I lived just long enough to fulfil the Prophecy and make some Outcast Friends With Secret Knowledge without spotting the lack of siblings!? Dude, lay off the musty tomes already. Nice mysterious sigil ring, by the way. Why’s it glowing ominously red?”

But I’ll feel bad about doing it.

And anyway, I want to be working on my Dissertation reasearch, but I can’t really do that before I pass Part 1!

Still, in other news: have my eye on a job which would be awesome. Shall have to wait and see…

r-jta exists! Huzzah!

Aye, as Ruth said we have a website. It is over here, and there is a helpful blog, which will presumably get less sparse over time.

I feel silly having a one-sentence post. Here is a meme, which you may now all skip.

  1. What is your name?
  2. Mister JTA.

  3. What colour pants are you wearing?
  4. Black jeans, blue thermals.

  5. What are you listening to right now?
  6. Depends what the RNG is doing, but the playlist is a mix of Barenaked Ladies, Slade and Warren Zevon, which combine nicely for some reason, presumably magic.

  7. What are the last four digits of your phone number?
  8. You realise that’s over half the main number, right? By the time you’re establishing my number based on what the exchange might be, you could just as easily look it up in the phone directory…

  9. What was the last thing you ate?
  10. Chilli con carne, with significantly more rice than chilly. For the cheap.

  11. If you were a crayon, what colour would you be?
  12. Er…. Blue?

  13. Where do you plan to go on your honeymoon?
  14. Huh. Topical. Rather going with the traditional “random short break, proper honeymoon later” plan, is my understanding.

  15. How is the weather right now?
  16. Sodding miserable.There’s ice and snow and everything. It sucks.

  17. Last person you talked to on the phone?
  18. No idea what their name is. Sry.

  19. What’s the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
  20. What clothes they have on. Actually Probably Possibly a lot less pervy than it sounds.

  21. How are you today?
  22. Not entirely frozen.

  23. Your favourite drink?
  24. Er. One of tea, coffee, pepsi or Mountain Dew.

  25. Your favourite alcoholic drink/s?
  26. Ale, gin, whisky, rum, port, stout, cider…

  27. Have you ever lost someone?
  28. Doy.

  29. Favourite sport to play?
  30. Hahaha.

  31. Name three people you can tell anything to?
  32. Jeez, three? Er. Ruth. Dan. Er. Yeah, that’s your lot. Move along, folks.

  33. Hair colour?
  34. Brown? Probably, although it might be black.

  35. Eye Colour?
  36. Brown.

  37. What do you find annoying in a person?
  38. Hm. I’m assuming you mean ‘most annoying’ there. Lack of empathy. It’s not like it’s hard.

  39. Siblings and their ages?
  40. One, 19.

  41. Favourite month?
  42. Er. Maaay?.

  43. Favourite food?
  44. The sort that someone else is paying for.

  45. Last movie you’ve watched?
  46. Wanted, probably.

  47. Favourite day of the year?
  48. And the point of having one of those would be what?

  49. Are you too shy to ask someone out?
  50. All signs point to possibly. Or not, if’n I can actually tell whether they like me. So, er, yes.

  51. Summer or Winter?
  52. At the moment, I’d say summer. Come the next heatwave, I’ll say winter. Bloody weather.

  53. Where do you see urself next year?
  54. Down Oxford way, is the plan.

  55. Hugs or Kisses?
  56. Well… hugs are more transferable.

  57. Relationship or one night stands?
  58. This was written by someone in High School, wasn’t it? Still, they tell me even teenagers find relationships are in vogue these days.

  59. Favourite Computer Game?
  60. Errr. Probably S201 for all-time favourite. Otherwise I’m quite liking Saints Row 2, at the minute. It’s like a GTA game, but written sensibly.

  61. Living Arrangements?
  62. An attic flat, with no loft insulation and no heating. Wheeeeee.

  63. What books are you reading?
  64. Intersting times; Flashman; Cartoon history of the modern world, v. 2.

  65. What’s on your mouse pad?
  66. Mouse what?

  67. Favourite board game?
  68. Really quite liking BSG at the minute, but also Power Grid & Illuminati & Hacker…

  69. Favourite magazine?
  70. Private Eye kinda wins by default, there…

  71. Favourite smells?
  72. Nice whisky is awesome, innit?

  73. Least favourite smell?
  74. Cigarette smoke, probably. Pipes I mind less.

  75. Favourite sound?
  76. People giving me money, in a loud “shuffling of banknotes” sort of way!

  77. Worst feeling in the world?
  78. Probably that one where everything sucks and you cannae do anything about it.

  79. What is the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning?
  80. At the minute? ‘Bollocks bollocks bollocks, my joints are hurting already, fucking winter.’

  81. Favourite colour(s)?
  82. Blue.

  83. How many rings before you answer the phone?
  84. Depends where I am. Anyway, you can’t tell how many times a mobile rings.

  85. Do you think the glass is half empty or half full?
  86. In my experience, glasses rarely fill themselves. It’s therefore safe to assume that 1) it is getting emptier, and 2) in a just world, someone else would have already volunteered to buy you another…

  87. Favourite movies?
  88. Flashback; South Park: BLU; big fan of Wargames when I’m in the right mood.

  89. What’s under your bed?
  90. The floor, an office that used to be heated for around eleven hours a day, and hasn’t had anyone using it for the past seven months.

  91. What cd do you have in your stereo?
  92. Sterewhat? My Optical drives are currently sporting L4D2 and Civilization II, if that helps.

  93. Favourite TV show:
  94. Er. I generally fire up iplayer to watch Top Gear…

  95. What’s ur favourite Song?
  96. I’ll stick with Protect & Survive, by Runrig, cheers.

Film quotations meme

Here are some rules
1. Pick 20 of your favourite films.
2. Go to IMDB and find a quote from each film.
3. Post them for passing internet traffic to guess.
4. When somebody someone guesses correctly, I’ll cross out the quote and cite the name of the guesser, and of the film.
5. No Googling, Yahooing, or (God help you) Windows Live! Searching, or otherwise using search functions for the source of the quotes; that’s cheating and it ruins what little fun can be had.

Good luck!

I reckon this is very hard, but I’ve tried to go with a range of films and a variety of quotes from the obvious to the, uh, not anyway. We’ll see how you do, shall we?

Here are some quotes from films
1. Sorry, guys. It takes more than going down to your local video store and renting ‘Easy Rider’ to be a rebel. — Flashback / Ruth

2. You’re not seriously gonna believe this man, are you? Are you? He isn’t even from round here! — Hot fuzz / Heather

3. You didn’t just call to say ‘Merry Christmas,’ did you?! Hah. You have no-one else to call! — Catch me if you can / Matt in the Hat

4. Come on you miserable fat-head, get that fat-ass truck outta my way! [I’ve made that as easy as I possibly can, btw, but it’s still a hard nut to crack…] — Duel / Ruth

5. Goddammit, I’d piss on a spark plug if I thought it’d do any good! — Wargames / Pacifist

6. It leads everywhere. Get out your notebook. There’s more.

7. Character #1: I’ll kill him! I’ll kill him!
Character #2: (Calmly) You don’t really mean you’ll kill me, do you.
— Twelve angry men / MitH

8. His bath was tepid? Poor [Female Lead]! I’m afraid her married life will be the same! — Mark of Zorro (1940) / Anne

9. You swine! My regimental tie!

10. Character #1: I was Time Magazine’s Man of the Year.
Character #2: So was Hitler.
Character #1: Ah, not twice.
— My fellow Americans / Ruth.

11. Character #1: Just because you’re English doesn’t mean you have to hide your emotions.
Character #2: I’m Irish, we let people know how we feel. Now fuck off.
— After the sunset / Pacifist

12. You call this a happy family? Why do we have to have all these kids? — It’s a wonderful life / Claire

13. Character #1: I know I gave him four THREES. He had to make a SWITCH. We can’t let him get away with that.
Character #2: What was I supposed to do – call him for cheating better than me, in front of the others?
— The sting / MitH

14. The time has come for someone to put his foot down. And that foot is me! — Animal house / BenL

15. Since you’re new here, I’m gonna cut you a break… today. So, why don’t you make like a tree and get outta here? — Back to the future / MitH

16. Well, I’ve been to one world fair, a picnic, and a rodeo, and that’s the stupidest thing I ever heard come over a set of earphones! You sure you got today’s codes? — Dr. Strangelove / Statto

17. Here’s to the pencil pushers. May they all get lead poisoning.

18. (Having caused the drowning of two people): I was sorry about the girl, but found some relief in the reflection that she had presumably during the weekend already undergone a fate worse than death. — Kind hearts and coronets / Ruth

19. Character #1: I didn’t know you could fly a plane.
Character #2: Fly, yes. Land, no.
— Indiana Jones and the last crusade / Anne

20. I’m afraid Communism was just a red herring — Clue / MitH

Happy Super Bonus Question!
These are the assignment desks, one for each of the lines. This is the BMT, the IRT. Here’s the IND. There’s our artist in residence. And right through here’s our operations lieutenant, Enrico Patrone, who on weekends works for the mafia. — Taking of Pelham one two three / Pacifist

Multiple Things.

Well, first up I’ve just had a haircut. Was surprisingly quick, and fairly painless. I don’t get on with haircuts, as a rule. Unless I know the barber I never have anything to say, and I just sit there gawping at my own reflection and wondering if I’m moving my head too much.

The barber in Hadley was a decent guy, once I got to know him, and Gino in Newport is the only chap I’ve met who knows what I mean when I say “Er, well, a general trim, I guess. Sort of a short-back-and-sides, but short on top as well, and I don’t want a fringe*”.

Also, of course, the hanging about while the queue depletes before your very eyes can be pretty lame, especially if you’ve not got a book. This haircut only took twenty minutes, though, thus getting me to the “really uncomfy feeling of hairs stuck down the back of my collar” even faster than I expected. Whee.

My face has mysteriously become oval**, and my eyes seem to have got bigger. Like I say, I don’t get hair.

On the plus side, I shouldn’t need it cutting again before the Spring, which means it should be able to grow to a nice warmish sort of length before the frosts come, thus providing me with further insulation. Win.

Supreme Court meme:
Sarah Palin has famously (in America, that is, over here we didn’t notice; I got this from zoethe) been asked to list some Supreme Court rulings, and came up with a grand total of One (Roe V. Wade, natch) before descending into silence. This pleases me, because that means I know more about American law than a prospective Vice President of the United States of America***. I can name two Supreme Court rulings, only one of which is Roe V. Wade.

Anyway, there’s now a meme. It goes like this:

Post info about ONE Supreme Court decision, modern or historical to your blog. Any decision, as long as it’s not Roe v. Wade.

…then there’s some stuff about spreading the fun, but you all know I’m just showing off my dubiously-aquired knowledge.

Anyway, I pick the Only Other Supreme Court Ruling I’ve ever heard of (not bad going, really; I didn’t even hear about the Supreme Court until I was 19 or so).

I pick Hustler Magazine, Inc. V. Falwell.

Background to the ruling is as follows:
– Jerry Falwell is one of those famous TV Fundies.
– Campari is an alcoholic beverage, which in the 1980s ran an ad campaign where famous people “talked about their first time” (drinking Campari. See what they did there?)
– Hustler Magazine is a porno mag, the kind men read “strictly for the photos of the naked women.”

…y’can all see where this is going already, right?

Back in the early 1980s Hustler printed a mock Campari Ad wherein Falwell “talked about his first time.” The clever twist was that it was his first time having sex. With his mother, while they were both drunk on Campari. In an outhouse.****

Falwell wasn’t too pleased about this, and sued for libel, and hurt feelings, and what have you. Very long story short: it went to the Supreme Court in 1988. The Supreme Court had a think and then, by 8 votes to 0, came up with the following ruling:

The creators of parodies of public figures are protected against civil liability by the First Amendment, unless the parody includes false statements of fact made in knowing or reckless disregard of the truth.

Since the Ad in Hustler was listed in that edition’s contents as “Fiction; Ad and Personality Parody,” and since the fake Campari ad said it was a parody, and they didn’t actually think Falwell lost it to his mother whilst drunk on Campari [I’m paraphrasing], the ad wasn’t made in knowing or reckless disregard of the truth, but more in a spirit of fun.

Basically, “It’s OK to say such things about famous people, just as long as you don’t try and pass them off as being actually true.”

Given that Sarah Palin is a prospective Vice President of the United States of America, I’m growing really fond of that ruling… I mean, dinosaurs. Ffs.

Well lunch is nearly over, and I’ve got hairs all down the back of my neck. Guess I’ll leave the post about the N95, and the Answers to the bits of the meme nobody got yet for another time, huh?


*I’ve never worked out what a fringe is for. It spends three months growing into my eyes, gets chopped off, and then starts all over again. Why?

** Still, pudgy, but oval. Less moon-like, anyway, which is a start.

***For a given, and mainly wrong, value of “know,” anyway.

**** I honestly don’t know which bit of that paragraph I find more disturbing.

I’ve been good and not uploaded a meme FAIL.

But, y’know. I figure this will interest / infuriate at least, er, three of you. So there we go.

It’s one of those memes that has Rules, which I’ll chuck up for your benefit at the start, so you can work out what you’re doing, even if that turns out to be “thumping PgDn good and hard.”

1. Put your music player on random.
(having first loaded all your MP3s into it, I assume)
2. Post the first line from the first 20 songs that play, no matter how embarrassing the song. (Unless it’s spoken word, or entirely instrumental, or has a first line which consists entirely of the title of the song, in which case I’ve skipped it, as it’d be unfair on yez.)
3. Let everyone guess what song and artist (or musical) the lines come from. (Comments enabled. Knock yourselves out.)
4. Embolden the songs when someone guesses correctly. (Uhm. Kay.)

Looking them up on Google or any other search engine is CHEATING! (In capitals, an’ everything. Must be serious…)

I’d just like to point out that 20 doesn’t seem like very many. I mean that’s, what, 1 song opening per 3 Gb of MP3s? [62Gb/20=3.1; please correct me if that doesn’t make sense.]

Still, let’s see what kind of a mood the RNG’s in, shall we? (& nuts to Popular Culture.)

  1. I heard Woodrow Wilson’s guns / I heard Maria cryin’
  2. A cadillac stood by the house, and the Yanks they were within
  3. What was that bang? It was the next big thing / exploding over our heads
  4. They passed me by / all of those great romances
  5. –One of us / ABBA

  6. I’m dancing on the White House lawn / sipping tea by the Taj Mahal at dawn
  7. –Life is a minestrone / 10cc

  8. My mind keeps on telling me that this is no good / and my heart is aching, and tells me I should
  9. [large quantities of saying “Woah”] You’re going round the circle / through another phase
  10. Dusk, is dawn, is day / where did it go?
  11. She had a bad childhood while she was young / so don’t judge her too badly.
  12. Turn away / if you could get me a drink of water / ’cause my lips are chapped and faded
  13. –Cancer : My chemical romance My chemical romance

  14. Everything has a beginning / everything comes to an end / Take it or leave it, you’d better believe it / be my lover, be my friend
  15. –Hero (Sweden ; Eurovision, 2008) / Charlotte Perrelli

  16. O is this the way they say the future’s meant to feel? / Ah, just twenty thousand people standing in a field?
  17. –Sorted out for E’s and whizz / Pulp.

  18. Michael wears his tan like a flasher wears his coat / he’s full of mad adventures, he’s full of anecdotes
  19. –Dangerous / Fairport Convention

  20. Isaac, nice chap / died of cancer / I gigged with him / many times
  21. –Death song / PBH

  22. I tried to come down from you / tried with your voice in my head, knocking me back, every inch I moved
  23. –Curve of the Earth / Matt Nathanson

  24. I still hear your voice when you sleep next to me / I still feel your touch in my dreams
  25. –Every time we touch / Cascada

  26. Papers in the morning / bowler hat on head
  27. –Cardiac arrest / Madness.

  28. A malady / has taken him over
  29. –London lives / Blur

  30. It was eyes down at the bingo / on that lucky Friday night
  31. –Tux on / Marillion

  32. Ron and Nancy got the house, but Sid and Nancy rule / I died eight years ago, I’m still a legend at my high school
  33. –Alleluia / Dar Williams

    … Hm. I’ve erred on the side of verbosity there, because I think the RNG is in an Obscure mood. Well, I say obscure. What I mean is “Things I don’t expect you people to know.”

Mansbridge, I await challenging!

Astonishingly, I did actually find myself having to think for this one. So I’m unecessarily pleased with my result.

Your result for How good of a Calvinball player are you?…

Your Grade= A++ Amazing Calvinball knowledge and strategy!

91% Game_Knowledge and 89% Game_Skill!

Amazing. You are part of the 2.1% of the population that landed in this category.* You are an expert at the game and its history, and you did incredibly well when it came to playing Calvinball strategically.

This suggests that you definitely have a natural talent in Calvinball. You have learned that the trick to doing well in Calvinball is not brute strength, but quick wit. If you wanted to, you could conceivably turn professional right now.

You are definitely already talented enough to beat Calvin. A match versus the quick-witted tiger would be closer. Still, your infinite knowledge of the game and your brilliant strategy would surely propel you to victory.

* This is a made up number.

Take How good of a Calvinball player are you? at HelloQuizzy

In other news, today I have not been very productive. I bought a new ironing board cover from Woolies, which is good, because the old one is tatty, and then proceded to put off everything else I need to do until tomorrow, in favour of commencing a playthorugh of Spellcasting 101: Sorcerers Get All The Girls (Spoilers!).

I’d forgotten how much of a pain the Island of Lost Soles can be. And still I love the thing.

Bedtime now, though. Some of us are having one Hell of a time adjusting to actually getting some work done.

There we go, then. The hair proves it!

Your result for The RPG Class Test…

Mystic Theurge

Brilliant and spiritual! You are a Mystic Theurge!

Score! You have a prestige class. A prestige class can only be taken after you’ve fulfilled certain requirements. This may mean that you’re an exceptionally talented person, but it probably doesn’t.

The Mystic Theurge is a combination of a cleric and a mage. They can cast both arcane and divine spells, and are good at both, making them pretty terrifying on the battlefield. They have more raw spellpower than just about any other class.

You’re both intelligent and faithful, but not violent or deceitful. I guess that makes you a pretty good person.

Take The RPG Class Test at HelloQuizzy

What? I wanted something to do quickly, while the kettle boiled.

Praise the Lord for Mountain Dew!

A proper post with details on the last couple of weeks tomorrow, assuming I can find the time. Everything seems to have gone a bit hectic, lately, but I reckon after crashing out this evening I’ll be able to get something like a proper post done (in between running about and getting the airbed back of Dan and Claire so I can chuck it + pump at my sister when she turns up on Tuesday).

I think everything that I wanted to get working should be working, by now; looks like I’ve got WordPress v. 2.6 up and running, at long last (It all broke horribly, and I couldn’t work out what on earth I was meant to be doing with it, until I looked at my watch, cursed the fact it was midnight, and cracked open a Mountain Dew to keep me going, whereupon my brain took a massive hit of caffine and realised that I should probably try commenting out the random security key they made me splice into the wp-config thingy. I am ashamed to have spent three hours trying to fix the sudden breakage of everything, and yet never once thought to try undoing the last change I made. Pitiful. Evidently you should all fill me up with caffinated drinks on a regular basis to stop me from becoming The Stupid.)

It also looks like I’m successfully exporting new entries on this blog to my old livejournal (which being the case will make that link go interesting, over there). I am Pleased about this, because if you go down a few entries on that site you’ll find the entry prior to today was made on the 11th of September 2005, and says “No I haven’t fixed the RSS feed [to make blog posts automatically appear here] yet. At some point, I’ll get someone good with computers to do it.”

Turns out that person was me. Whadda y’ know?

O, cool. this version of wordpress appears to come with a built-in word counter and an autosave. That actually almost makes up for the Many Hours I have spent looking at FAQs and then getting dispirited and going away and messing about with silly quizes, and things.

For some reason, the upgrade has eaten all of my old categories (specifically, it deleted all the names, which made them impossible to edit without manually changing the edit URL) so I’ve had to patch them together with guesswork. The ‘memes’ tag took a direct hit in the process, when I tried to convert things to tags, and then deleted both the tags and the category, so I’m afraid the memes will have to start again.

On the plus side, they can start again right now! Woo, and yay, and (quite possibly) horrible breaking of everything. I don’t know if I’ve done these before, because all memes feel the same and, of course, I no longer have a speedy indexing system, which prevents me from checking without effort. Still, let’s see if these things confuse the cross-poster, shall we?

Meme the first:

The Gentleman

Deliberate Gentle Love Master (DGLM)

The Gentleman

Steady & mature. You are The Gentleman.

For anyone looking for an even-keeled, considerate lover, you’re their man. You’re sophisticated. You know what you want both in a relationship and outside of it. You have a substantial romantic side, and you’re experienced enough sexually to handle yourself in that arena, too. Your future relationships will be long-lasting; you’re classic “marrying material,” a prize in the eyes of many.

It’s possible that behind it all, you’re a bit of a male slut. Your best friends know that in relationships you’re fundamentally sex-driven. You’re a safe, reliable guy, who does get laid. In a lot of ways, you’re like a well-worn, comfortable pair of socks. Did you ever jack off into one of those? All the time.

Your ideal mate is NOT a nut-job. She is giving and loving, like you, but also experienced.

Your exact male opposite:

The Last Man on Earth

The Last Man on Earth

Random Brutal Sex Dreamer

Always avoid: The Battleaxe (DBLM)

Consider: The Maid of Honor (DGLM), someone just like you.

Link: The Online Dating Persona Test

— Who on Earth drew that picture? Because I’d like to know where idea for combining Grecian armour with a Norman shield and a bastard sword came from. And why the chap seems to think it a higher priority to keep the balloon safe while the drugged-up child has got a kneecap full of arrows.

On the other hand, the actual text is absurdly flattering, except for the bit about the socks, so I oughtn’t complain too much.

Meme the Second:
Wherein I copy-paste some genuinely nasty-looking HTML

Your result for The Quick & Painless ENNEAGRAM Test…

8 – the Asserter

you chose AY – your Enneagram type is EIGHT (aka “The Challenger”).

“I must be strong”

Asserters are direct, self-reliant, self-confident, and protective.

How to Get Along with Me

  • Stand up for yourself… and me.
  • Be confident, strong, and direct.
  • Don’t gossip about me or betray my trust.
  • Be vulnerable and share your feelings. See and acknowledge my tender,
    vulnerable side.
  • Give me space to be alone.
  • Acknowledge the contributions I make, but don’t flatter me.
  • I often speak in an assertive way. Don’t automatically assume it’s
    a personal attack.
  • When I scream, curse, and stomp around, try to remember that’s just
    the way I am.

What I Like About Being a EIGHT

  • being independent and self-reliant
  • being able to take charge and meet challenges head on
  • being courageous, straightforward, and honest
  • getting all the enjoyment I can out of life
  • supporting, empowering, and protecting those close to me
  • upholding just causes

What’s Hard About Being a EIGHT

  • overwhelming people with my bluntness; scaring them away when I don’t intend to
  • being restless and impatient with others’ incompetence
  • sticking my neck out for people and receiving no appreciation for it
  • never forgetting injuries or injustices
  • putting too much pressure on myself
  • getting high blood pressure when people don’t obey the rules or when
    things don’t go right

EIGHTs as Children Often

  • are independent; have an inner strength and a fighting spirit
  • are sometimes loners
  • seize control so they won’t be controlled
  • fugure out others’ weaknesses
  • attack verbally or physically when provoked
  • take charge in the family because they perceive themselves as the strongest, or grow up in difficult or abusive surroundings

EIGHTs as Parents

  • are often loyal, caring, involved, and devoted
  • are sometimes overprotective
  • can be demanding, controlling, and rigid

Renee Baron & Elizabeth Wagele

The Enneagram Made Easy
Discover the 9 Types of People
SanFrancisco, 1994, 161 pages

Which is a damn fine way of saying “You’re a right bolshy sod, you are,” and which, for something that only asked me two questions, and therefore allowed me to get back to attempting to put entire new users into the mySQL thing that I don’t even begin to understand, and which, of course, was of no material use anyway, is pretty cool.

But then I’m a gullible twonk when it comes to that sort of thing. Can’t help but go pushing radio buttons, that’s my problem. Hell, if someone produced a 35-question “Which Meme User are you?” test, I’d be right out there to discover I was the Casual Meme Inflicter (You tend to only do memes for your own amusement, but you can’t resist showing off your results, either. Avoid the Skeptic Quizzilla User; consider Evangelical Personality Questioner)…

Hm. That was the end of the third can of Mountain Dew. Did I mention that I start Proper Work on Friday? Come back, sleeping patterns, all is forgiven!

I really hope this doesn’t break everything. Particular apologies to LJ people, who may well get some really ugly cross-posted stuff. And to RSS people, who’ve had no idea why I kept putting out the ‘Breakfast, breakfast, Sun, Dock, Trog’ messages while I was looking for the crossposter to notice I’d installed it.